By Doc Love
GCN Live.com

Doc Love answers a letter from a guy that is infatuated with a woman who suffers from bipolar disorder.

Hey Doc,

I really enjoy reading your articles, and of course “The System” has saved me with women so many times.

I’ve been seeing Rain for about two months now or about 12 dates. We met online and I have seen her probably once, sometimes twice a week. She’s a great girl, very Flexible, very Giving, and when we are together it would be hard for it to get any better. At first I saw all the signs of rising interest. She was doing all of the touching, inviting me to meet her friends, texting me constantly, asking me to hang on the weekends, etc. I knew I was doing something right. Of course I stuck with “The System” and although I’ve had a few slipups I have consistently remained a Challenge.

Three weeks ago Rain told me she had bipolar disorder. She says she really likes me but is changing medications, and could start acting differently or “flakey” as she put it. I let her know I understood and she just needed to be open and honest with me about everything. I told her when she needed space to be up front with me. After that conversation things remained the same for about a week. I could tell her Interest Level was in the 80-90% percent range after the first 10 dates.

But the last two weeks or so something is different. The problem is that I’m not sure if it’s her bipolar disorder or she’s losing interest. She is very hot and cold with hanging out and talking to me. Often she doesn’t respond to me for a few days, but then we will hang out and she is all over me like before. It’s very confusing. She even broke a date, but then a few days later wanted to get together.

I’m having a tough time dealing with this. I have not stopped being a Challenge and all I can do is be understanding. I really like this girl and we have a great time together but this up and down rollercoaster of emotions is making me reevaluate the situation. I know that bipolar disorder is for life so I’m not sure if I should wait it out until Rain figures out her new medication, or just move on with my life. I am curious to know what you would do in this situation.

Chappy – who doesn’t want to get blindsided

 

Hi Chappy,

When Rain tells you that she might start acting flakey because she’s on new medicine, she’s either telling you the truth about her condition, or she’s telling you that her Interest Level is heading south. It’s one or the other. But the more important thing here is that it doesn’t make any difference whether bipolar disorder or a lack of interest is causing the change in Rain’s behavior towards you. The only thing that matters is how Rain treats you. If she treats you badly because of her mental disorder or because she’s losing interest, either way you have to get rid of her. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “No matter how you rationalize it, reality is reality.”

The fact that this woman is alternatively indifferent towards you or all over you like a cheap coat also doesn’t matter. She warned you ahead of time that she was switching medications and that there might be negative consequences. But again, the problem is that we don’t know whether the resultant erratic behavior is her meds talking or she’s not interested in you anymore.

But let me ask you this question, my friend: do you really want to put up with this bad behavior? It’s true that if Rain gets and stays on the right meds she might be all right and act normally. But is that what’s really going on here? Or is she selling you something for some reason? We don’t know. And that’s why in “The System” we have the BOTTOM LINE FACTOR. To you Psych majors, in abiding by that all-important principle, all doubt is eliminated about what to think and do when it comes to a woman because YOU ONLY LOOK AT HER ACTIONS. And that’s all a man should ever use as a barometer of a female’s Interest Level.

But not only did Rain run hot and cold with you and not answer your messages and calls, then she went and broke a date with you. What does that tell you about her, Chappy? What excuse did she use for not showing up? Where was her counteroffer? Like I say in my book, if she breaks a date, she’s out. And like my cousin General Love says, “You have to have a zero tolerance policy for broken dates.”

If Rain’s bipolar condition is forever as you say, you have to come to grips with the question of whether you want to be with someone who has such an affliction for the rest of your life. People have done it, so it’s possible to exist with it, but what are the rewards? Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “If this babe treats you like a yo-yo now, can you imagine how she’ll treat you in another 20 or 30 years?”

One more thing Chappy. On account of Rain’s condition, for the rest of your life you won’t ever know whether it’s her illness talking or low Interest Level when she treats you badly. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Do you deserve to live with such a terrible uncertainty?” And there’s also this to consider: it does not necessarily follow that someone with an emotional disorder is going to mistreat her boyfriend or husband.

What would I do with in this situation? I would pass on Rain.

Remember, guys: if you date someone with a long-term problem, it will become your problem.

---

Doc Love is the host of The Doc Love Show, which airs on GCN Saturdays 9:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. Central Time. Listen to the show On Demand. For more information on Doc Love and his relationship services, visit DocLove.com

 

Like GCN Live on Facebook and follow on Twitter for more great news, opinions, and announcements from GCN Live’s hosts and staff.