By Doc Love
GCN Live.com

Doc Love answers a letter from a guy that needs help keeping his new relationship fresh.

Hey Doc,

I’m just entering the dating scene for the first time. I’m only 18, so it’s all pretty new to me. Luckily, I discovered “The System” recently and I really feel like I’m getting the hang of it. It seems to me to be a great book and that you really know what you’re talking about.

No too long ago I went to a party where I met Amanda, who was a friend of a friend. We did some flirting with each other, so I asked for her (home) phone number and got it. I waited several days, and made a date with her for the next weekend (at Starbucks). As far as I can judge, it went well.

That was about two months ago. Every week on Wednesday or Thursday I call Amanda to set up a new date. It’s been the same ritual every week. Then we go out on Friday or Saturday to the same places and the pattern is repeated ad nauseum. I’ve tried to vary the places and activities and events, but on my meager budget it’s hard to get beyond the basic or do anything too fancy.

Doc, my question is this: What now? How long is this weekly dating ritual supposed to last? How long can Amanda and I keep doing the same things? Even I’m getting a little bored. What is the next stage of a relationship? What in the world am I supposed to do at this point?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Benno – who’s run out of ideas

Hi Benno,

First of all, thanks for your compliments on “The System.” Now let me explain something to you. Starbucks dates aren’t for Friday and Saturday nights. Coffee dates are for Sunday through Thursday, and you have to make sure to mix the days up.

When you say that you’re calling Amanda on the same day every week to set up new dates, it tells me loud and clear that you’re not really reading my book and memorizing it like you’re supposed to. The Dating Dictionary gives very specific instructions on setting up dates. To you Psych majors, you don’t call to make a date on the same day every week – it leads to monotony and kills Challenge. You have to change things up and phone the girl on different days. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “In order to keep a babe’s interest alive, you have to keep her a little off balance.” So instead of calling her like Swiss clockwork, wait somewhere between five to nine days, then ask her out with fresh ideas for things to do.

When you say it’s been the same ritual every week with Amanda, it means that you’ve fallen into a pattern, which soon turns into a rut. YOU HAVE TO BREAK THE PATTERN UP, just like it says in my book. Again, it tells me you haven’t memorized it, dude.

If you say the pattern with Amanda is repeated “ad nauseum,” then you shouldn’t be asking her out for the same days every week. Ask her out for a Sunday one week and a Wednesday the next. BREAK THE PATTERN! Then ask her out for a Tuesday, and then for a Thursday. You have to move things around. You are the problem here, Benno. Amanda’s not the one asking you out for the same days over and over – it’s you imposing the pattern on her.

What is there to do with a date? You have to get hold of the Thursday paper in your city or town. There you’ll find all of the free things that are going on that week. You’ll find free concerts, you’ll find museum exhibits, and you might even find a boat or car show. There’s always the zoo. There are lots of inexpensive things to do. And like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “If she really digs you, you don’t have to try to impress her, dawg.”

If you live in any decent-sized metropolitan area, there are hundreds of free activities. There are scores of restaurants alone that are all different from one another, and they don’t all cost an arm and a leg. You just have to find them.

How long is the dating ritual supposed to last? It lasts until Amanda asks to be your girlfriend. But you still have to vary your dates with her. You can’t keep on doing the same things, Benno. That’s a recipe for trouble.

You’re getting bored because you have no originality, guy. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You’re not able to think on your feet.” Like I just said, if you live in a town of any size, there will be at least five to 10 eateries that are completely different from one another and different from any place Amanda has ever been to. There’s your variety. So find them. And find other fun things. Talk to your buddies. Talk to your sister. Ask them what to do with a date. When you talk to someone on the street, say I have a new girlfriend and she likes to go to different places – what’s the best place in town to take a girl? They might give you a tip like Chuck’s Barbecue, where all the wait staff wears cowboy hats and fake guns and they sing Country and Western songs. So find out what’s happening in your city. There are plenty of unusual and free things to do – but you have to make an effort and dig them up.

The next stage of a relationship comes after six months of dating and you haven’t picked up ANY RED FLAGS. But don’t worry about what stage you’re at right now, Benno. If you’re on the verge of falling into a rut already, you should be concerned with keeping things fresh and finding new places to take Amanda so she doesn’t get bored and lose interest in you. That’s the problem you have to solve right now.

Remember, guys: instead of taking your girl to where everybody else goes, find someplace new and different.

Doc Love is the host of The Doc Love Show, which airs on GCN Saturdays 9:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. Central Time. Listen to the show On Demand. For more information on Doc Love and his relationship services, visit DocLove.com