One of the most embarrassing, untalked about faux pas that occurs in families is the accidental witness of two parent figures having sex.
Our children see us make dinner, watch TV, argue about the in-laws, blame each other for the last cookie being eaten, drop each other’s toothbrush in the toilet (Ok I did that once!), so seeing, and hearing, two adults be intimate could potentially leave a mental scar for life.
And the moment the child is being visually and audibly traumatized, what do we do? We scream…..”GET OUT,” or “YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!”
Then once dressed, or finished, we hunt down the child, who’s probably hiding in their room, to try to urgently rectify the situation. My guess is many of us fail at this as well.
Telling them “Mommy and Daddy were just having a conversation,” adulterates any competency in communication skills they might have developed over the past few years.
“Mommy and Daddy were having sex” might work, but the average child who just witnessed it may choose a life of celibacy that instant.
So what should we do?
I don’t care if you told them a million times not to enter your room, it’s YOUR fault the door was unlocked. Blaming the child makes the situation worse and traumatizes them more. Let them know you’re not mad and want to discuss what happened.
Children of all ages learn by mimicry. Watching parents have sex may startle not so much because of the sexual nature, but because it’s an act they don’t want to mimic.
In a child’s mind they think that the act they just witnessed is one they need to engage in later if they want to be a grown up like you…..and it scares them. Reassure them that they do not have to do “everything Mommy and Daddy do.”
If the child thinks “all adults” do what they just witnessed (position, sounds, tools, etc.) they will extrapolate and think their teachers, clergy, and grandparents do the exact same thing. This could be traumatizing as well. Let them know that you and your partner were experimenting and having fun and sex is different for everybody. Which brings us to….
Rather than labeling it sex, calling it Mommy and Daddy time is fine. Let them know that adults need private time and some things or acts may feel good and make them happy.
The child may be more concerned about being yelled at or caught doing something they shouldn’t than actually seeing you have sex. So their first priority is making sure this doesn’t happen again. Set boundaries such as, “When our door is closed, knock first,” will give them a concrete instruction to follow. They may then ask, “But, what happens if there is a fire?” - so let them know in an emergency, getting your attention is OK.
If your child says “I got it, I got it, yeah I understand,” that doesn’t necessarily mean he/she understands. It means they want to leave the conversation. That’s fine. You can always revisit it later. Sometimes during a drive in the car, topics such as this may be easier to discuss than at home with baby brother/sister giggling nearby. They’re a captive audience (unless they choose to jump out of the car), and you can smoothly transition to the subject by asking for permission to have a “big boy/big girl” talk.
Kids like two things, being asked permission by a parent and not being talked to like a little kid. Capturing their attention this way may allow you to then discuss what needs to be discussed.
One more bit of advice …..when the kids are home and you can’t control yourselves, keep it down, avoid loud machinery, and keep it under the covers……
Millions of people view porn every day and the Florida House has approved a resolution to protect their constituents from its inherent health risks.
According to the resolution’s sponsor, Republican Rep. Ross Spano, “Research has found a correlation between pornography use and mental and physical illnesses, difficulty forming and maintaining intimate relationships, unhealthy brain development and cognitive function, and deviant, problematic or dangerous sexual behavior.”
So is pornography a public health risk?
A public health risk is something that could pose a health threat, injury to humans or could contribute to health risks of other humans. This could include drunk driving, mosquitos or rats transmitting disease, or even smoking.
So watching pornography would pose a public health risk if not only the “pornee” gets hurt but affects others surrounding him. Now the effect of others could be in the form of missing work, viewing porn at work (considered sexual harassment and/or assault by others not wanting to view it), and unwanted sexual acts with one’s partner.
Although we do not have any definitive studies telling us porn is good or bad for our health, there are many opinions on the matter.
One concern is inactivity and time spent in front of a screen. Sitting in front of a computer, tablet, or hand-held device watching hours of porn could increase risk of a blood clot, heart disease and (prolonged sitting) has been linked to colon cancer. However, according to PornHub, the average time spent viewing porn only ranges from 9-13 minutes.
What about lack of sleep? Are people secretly watching porn at night, and not getting their 7-9 hours of uninterrupted rest?
According to PornHub the most common time during the day to watch porn was between 10 pm and 1 am. If one is only online for 10 minutes and falls asleep afterwards, they may still receive a good amount of sleep.
In 2009 a study found frequent masturbation in young males could increase their risk of prostate cancer, but in older men (>50 years), reduced their risk. Other studies have suggested reduced risk of prostate cancer that occurs in older men but not aggressive cancer in younger men.
Excessive masturbation could affect one’s refractory period, or time it takes to form an erection again after sex. For some this could last 15 minutes, for others a week. So if a date night is planned for later that evening, one with a long refractory period could have issues.
Chafing and inflammation can also occur but are usually rectified with a change in modality.
The American College of Pediatricians released this statement:
The consumption of pornography is associated with many negative outcomes: increased rates of depression, anxiety, violent behavior, early sexual debut and sexual promiscuity, higher rates of teen pregnancy and a distorted view of relationships. For married adults, pornography also results in an increased likelihood of divorce which, in turn, is harmful to children.
Author, L. David Perry, MD, states, “Pornography glorifies decontextualized sex. Its use by adolescents and young adults often leads to a distorted view of sexuality and its proper role in fostering healthy personal relationships.”
If state governments choose to debate porn being a health risk, I agree with strict restrictions on child and adolescent access. I also agree with education of condom use to protect against unsafe sex practices. Moreover, counseling resources for those addicted to porn should be increased as internet and porn addiction is a growing public health threat. However, does the occasional video view pose serious health risks….no.
It’s Elon Musk’s recurring nightmare that artificial intelligence becomes self-aware and destroys mankind. Blade Runner 2049 is the visual representation of that nightmare’s roots taking hold.
Blade Runner 2049 is a fantastic film worth seeing in theaters despite the underwhelming box office revenue in the United States thus far. The suspenseful science-fiction film that spawned this sequel didn’t do well at the box office either, so expecting this one would is a mistake of the producers. But the movie is no mistake. In fact, it was born because it was “wanted” -- or rather, needed.
I could tell you how the set design alone is an accomplishment never realized in the history of cinema, or that Ryan Gosling gives a performance reminiscent of Drive. I could tell you that computer-generated imagery has never been so vivid and felt so real. But Blade Runner 2049’s subject matter is more relevant than ever before, with bio-engineered human beings quickly becoming a reality, as evidenced in the latest edition of Mother Jones.
Replicants are bio-engineered to be exactly like humans in every way, except they’re stronger (and smarter) and allegedly unable to reproduce (that’s what they said in Jurassic Park, too), making them ideal slaves for building infrastructure on other worlds awaiting human colonization. That is until they run, as slaves are apt to do, despite an attempt by humanity to control the slaves through vivid, fabricated memories. This is all closer to science-fact than science-fiction given the vast advancement of research in genetics and artificial intelligence.
According to Rowan Jacobsen’s article for Mother Jones, “Scientists have already identified a handful of rare gene variants that seem to be upgrades of the standard version most of us possess.” For instance, “A variant of the LRP5 gene results in ultradense, nearly unbreakable bones” -- a sort of super strength that’s on display during a fight in the opening minutes of the movie.
Choosing your child’s genes is one thing, but the real fear comes with the ability to mass produce slaves, upon which, in some form, privileged humanity has and will rely for survival. That day is fast approaching and could very well be realized by 2049.
“Last year, a team of scientists in Japan took the skin cells of mice, transformed those cells into eggs, fertilized them, and implanted the resulting embryos, which resulted in the birth of 26 healthy pups...It shouldn’t be much more difficult to do the same thing with humans.” Male skin cells could be used to create embryos just as easily as female skin cells, so same-sex couples could have children that share both parents’ genes, with the parents picking the genes of their preference.
The Matrix touches on this idea that humans can be “grown,” and in vitro fertilization was already 22 years old at that time. Within the next few decades, human reproduction could not only be achieved without sex, but without both sexes. Stanford biochemist Henry Greely calles it Easy PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis) in his book The End of Sex.
Jacobsen reveals that “Easy PGD will be far cheaper than IVF is today,” and “prices of gene printing have already plummeted. The cost of printing a base pair of genes has plunged from $600 in 1980 to a fraction of a cent and is continuing to drop...the cost of synthesizing genes had dropped to 4 cents per pair of DNA letters and was continuing to halve every two years.” When the benefit outweighs the cost, you can be sure someone will attempt to profit.
Artificial intelligence might be a bit further behind genetic reproduction research, but creating a human-like mind that can learn and replicate feelings isn’t inconceivable. Despite Musk’s fears of AI, the Autopilot feature in his Tesla vehicles is already turning machines into taxi drivers -- giving machines the keys to the most dangerous tool on the planet. One AI unit even predicted the result of the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election. Another, designed by Google, learned and beat Go -- a game more complex than chess.
So we have a means for slave-making already in the works. Surely the first avenue investigated will be the creation of sex slaves, a la Ex Machina. Regardless of the avenue investigated, the result will be the same. Replicants will question the definition of humanity because of the inhumane actions of humans creating self-aware, stronger, smarter beings to act as slaves. Replicants will begin to see themselves as an upgrade -- an evolved race -- and when the first replicant is born rather than built, their beliefs will be substantiated.