Elections feel more and more like sporting events every time they're held. There's more dirty play, more money spent, the officiating gets worse and worse, and there have been more people switching teams, from Republican to Democrat mostly, according to Twitter at least, than ever before. That doesn't make the 2018 U.S. Midterm Elections easily understood, however.

Since sports is a language we all understand, I offer this as a means to comprehend the chaos that is contemporary U.S. politics by looking at the races like they're actual races, or any sporting event for that matter. This piece aims to inform you of the facts and stakes surrounding the biggest and closest races of the 2018 U.S. Midterm Elections by comparing them to historic sporting events or sports rivalries. 

The piece also offers some politics betting advice you can take or leave, but I assure you, politics betting is even more fun and addictive than sports betting. If you're disinterested in politics, politics betting makes politics suddenly interesting. I should warn you, however, that I and just about everyone else in America lost big time in 2016—in more than one way. This election we’ll start winning it back together. (Author's note: any winnings are reinvested into candidates’ campaigns the following election cycle.)

Georgia’s Governor Election a Heavyweight Championship like Jack Johnson vs. Tommy Burns

Democrat Stacey Abrams vs. Republican Brian Kemp

It might not be a perfect comparison to 1908's “Fight of the Century” between the first ever black heavyweight boxing champion, Jack Johnson, and Tommy Burns, but Democrat Stacey Abrams is trying to be to the 2018 U.S. Midterm Elections what Jack Johnson was to boxing.

Abrams is running to become the country’s first ever black female elected governor of any state. Abrams’ opponent, Brian Kemp, is doing his damnedest as Georgia’s acting Secretary of State to make sure she doesn’t. It would be like Johnson’s fight against Burns, but if Burns had served as referee of the fight as well. Abrams isn’t likely to do a year in prison for dating a white woman like Johnson did, though.

A federal judge has already ruled against Kemp, who was using an “exact match” law to keep over 3,000 people—mostly minorities—from voting for things like misspellings and missing hyphens on their voter registration applications. But over 50,000 voters in Georgia have been flagged as ineligible because of the law, and despite that, Abrams trails in the polls by just one point, according to Real Clear Politics’ (RCP) average. She’s gotten the Oprah boost recently, too, so expect this one to come down to the wire.

I have $10 on Abrams to win on Predict It, an online marketplace for politics betting, basically. The difference being you can buy and sell shares right up until the election is called, so if Abrams holds a lead at some point on Election Day, I can sell my shares for her to win at a profit in case the late rounds go to Kemp. I won’t, however.

Texas’ Senate Election like Los Angeles Lakers vs. Golden State Warriors

Democrat Beto O’Rourke vs. Republican Ted Cruz

The basketball battle for the State of California between LeBron James and his Los Angeles Lakers and the reigning, back-to-back-champion Golden State Warriors is not unlike the battle for the Texas Senate seat. Ted Cruz is the reigning, Republican champion running for a second term, and Beto O’Rourke brings all the glitz and glam LeBron brought with him to the Lakers. O’Rourke doubled Cruz’s campaign contributions in the second quarter of 2018, raising more than $10.4 million despite taking no money from Political Action Committees (PACs). His ability to raise money has this shaping up to be the most expensive U.S. Senate race of all time.

Like the Lakers, O’Rourke will have to spend to contend. According to the latest Emerson poll, he trails Cruz by three points, but the RCP average has him even further behind in a state that hasn’t had a Democratic Senator since 1993. I have $5 on O’Rourke scoring an upset, but I’m really just hoping early tallies of metropolitan areas like Dallas-Fort Worth have O’Rourke far enough ahead early to sell at halftime before Cruz goes on a run, hitting shots from rural Texas in the third quarter like the Warriors do against seemingly everybody.

Florida’s Senate/Governor Elections could Replicate Atlanta's Stunning MLS Success for Democrats 

Senate: Democrat Bill Nelson vs. Republican Rick Scott

Governor: Republican Ron DeSantis vs. Democrat Andrew Gillum

While Miamians will vote on a proposal for the purchase of real estate to house a billion-dollar Major League Soccer (MLS) complex, they'll also be voting to potentially restore the voting rights of more than 1.5 million former felons in the state (10 percent of all voters in the state). Florida is one of just three states (Iowa and Kentucky being the others) to automatically bar anyone convicted of a felony from voting. A grassroots campaign run by former felons is looking to change that, but needs 60 percent of Florida voters to vote "yes" on Amendment Four in order for it to pass.

Amendment Four would "automatically restore the right to vote for people with prior felony convictions, except those convicted of murder or a felony sexual offense, upon completion of their sentences, including prison, parole, and probation." And while Florida's ex-cons have an avenue to regaining their voting rights, it's a long street with obstacles abound like the last level of the arcade game, Paperboy, but with an old, pasty boss withholding payment until you get off the bike, walk up to the house, ring the doorbell, and place his newspaper ever so gently in his right hand before kissing the rings on his left.

https://youtu.be/QqDxaQKvjgw?t=8

Ari Berman explains in an article for Mother Jones that Florida felons can get their voting rights back but have to wait five to seven years to petition a Clemency Board headed by current governor, Rick Scott, who has denied 90 percent of applications—giving just 3,000 Florida felons the right to vote. Scott's predecessor, Charlie Crist, who left the Republicans for the Democrats in free agency, approved 155,000 applications. Even Republican Jeb Bush approved 75,000, and he's still on Scott's team. And that team is hard on crime because it's an easy stance to take and it pays well.

Florida's Rick Scott has received the most contributions from the private prison industry in 2018 ($70,600), and fellow Floridian Rebecca Negron is second ($29,850). Two other Florida Republican candidates make the top 20, accepting $10,000 each to funnel both prisoners and tax dollars to for-profit prisons. Texas "entrepreneurs" were turning old motels into migrant detention centers until they found out they could get away with putting up a few tents instead. Four Republicans and one Democrat from Texas also made the list.

These private prisons are literally banking on recidivism; they want prisoners to keep coming back. To them, convicts are cash cows; they're valued. But to the rest of the world, convicts are always convicts, regardless of rehabilitation. Convicts can find God but not a job. In Florida, they can get a law degree but not practice law. And in Florida, they can indulge in every pleasure imaginable except the pleasure that comes from voting. The second chance ex-cons are afforded, especially in Florida, comes with strings attached, takes five to seven years to earn, and doesn't have to be granted, and likely won't, even if the convict does everything asked of her. That doesn't mean they can't participate in democracy, though.

Even though a million-plus Florida ex-cons can't vote in the 2018 U.S. Midterm Elections, you can bet they're knocking doors and phone banking to get Democrats to the polls on Election Day so they can vote someday soon. Felons currently incarcerated in Florida jails and prisons are probably calling home to make sure their friends and family vote in this election so they too can vote someday. Left-leaning voters with friends and family convicted of felonies won't be sitting at home on Election Day, and that bodes well for Democratic candidates. Both Bill Nelson and Andrew Gillum were leading in the RCP average polls on the eve of the elections.

The roughly 113,000 Florida votes that separated Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton in 2016 (1.2 percent) will surely narrow, because this grassroots movement of former felons has given Florida Democrats an inside track to victory through an issue that has further motivated an already motivated base. Major League Soccer's (MLS) success in Atlanta is indicative of what can be done when you offer people something of which they've been deprived.

Both Minnesota and Atlanta got MLS expansion franchises in 2017. Minneapolis and Atlanta share similar age demographics that make them ideal soccer cities. Residents aged 20 to 30 years make up the largest segment of their populations. Atlanta is obviously more diverse, but that doesn't explain why Atlanta United leads not only MLS, but the NFL, MLB, and NHL in attendance, averaging 46,318 tickets sold per game in its inaugural season. Minnesota United managed just over 20,000 per game in its inaugural season, in a stadium with more than 50,000 seats, which the Loons filled just once and marketed hard to do so.

Atlanta United set new attendance (and points) records in 2018, averaging over 53,000 fans per game. What gives? The Five Stripes were surprisingly good surprisingly fast, but they weren't the Vegas Golden Knights of MLS. The Five Stripes lost in the first round of the playoffs despite finishing the regular season fourth overall. The key to Atlanta's stunning MLS success isn't strictly due to the product's performance on the pitch. It's influenced by the availability of excess income and a lack of quality, sports/entertainment substitutes in the area demanding those dollars.

Atlanta is a business hub home to Home Depot, Coca-Cola, UPS, and Delta Air Lines, so while Atlanta has more impoverished individuals and families than both Minneapolis and St. Paul, a lot of Atlantans have a lot of money. There are more families in Atlanta earning more than $200,000 annually than in any other income level. More than a quarter of married families in Atlanta make more than $200,000 annually. Minneapolis and St. Paul combined have just 23.5 percent of married families making more than $200,000 annually. But what sporting events would Atlantans pay to see in 2017?

Atlanta Income by Household Type

The MLB's Braves might have moved into a new, publicly funded stadium in 2017, but they weren't especially good (and neither was traffic or parking), finishing 72-90, 23rd in the standings and 13th in attendance. The Braves turned that record around and won their division in 2018, but still finished 11th in attendance. For reference, in 2011, the Minnesota Twins finished their second season at Target Field with a 63-99 record and managed to finish fourth in attendance. MLB as a whole saw average attendance drop to a 15-year low in 2018, but whether the Braves' struggle to fill seats is due to traffic, parking, the ire of taxpayers, or an overall disinterest in the game doesn't change the fact that their product fails to demand the entertainment dollars of affluent Atlantans.

The NBA's Hawks were even worse than the Braves in 2017-18. After losing out in the first round of the 2016-17 NBA Playoffs, they finished the following season tied for the third-worst record in basketball, ending a run of regular-season dominance culminating in early postseason exits. The Hawks are hoping a renovation of State Farm Arena, complete with golf simulator suites and an authentic, Atlanta barbershop, demand the dollars their product currently cannot.

The Hawks do, however, offer a relatively affordable and valuable season ticket package, which is another means to make a poor product more appealing. Price matters and must reflect not just the product's quality, but how accessibility affects demand for the product. Transportation and parking expenses must be considered when setting a price, and the Hawks have years of experience at their location to more accurately estimate those costs than the Braves did.

Still, the Hawks were dead last in attendance in 2017-18, managing to fill just 14,409 of their 21,000 seats per game (68.6 percent of capacity). Atlanta United originally intended to close the upper bowl of Mercedes-Benz Stadium to create a more intimate atmosphere, lowering capacity from 70,000 to 42,500. That's 109 percent of seats sold in year one, or 66.2 percent if you use the 70,000 figure. In year two, they bested the Hawks' seat-sold percentage by almost 10 percent using considering a capacity of 70,000.

With the NHL's Thrashers becoming the Winnipeg Jets in 2011, Atlanta's affluent population has been deprived of quality, sports entertainment since the Hawks' window of contention closed in early 2017. The wallets of affluent Atlantans were practically begging for a worthwhile entertainment alternative just as Florida ex-cons are actually pleading for an alternative to Rick Scott's Clemency Board when it comes to regaining their right to vote.

Florida Democrats could replicate The Five Stripes' stunning MLS success by simply expressing their support for legislation offering disenfranchised people an alternative to Scott's Clemency Hawks subjectively dictating the voting rights of Florida's former felons with no oversight whatsoever. But something tends to be better than nothing, and nothing is very close to what Rick Scott is offering Florida's 1.5 million former felons right now. Expect a blue wave in Florida across the board.

North Dakota’s Senate Election a Light-middleweight Championship like Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather

Republican Kevin Cramer vs. Democrat Heidi Heitkamp

Heidi Heitkamp has a better chance to retain her North Dakota Senate seat (11/2, according to the Predict It market) than Conor McGregor had to beat Floyd Mayweather in a boxing match (11/1). But McGregor was incredibly overrated and idiotically over-wagered. Despite a marijuana legalization initiative appearing on North Dakotans’ ballot on Election Day, Heitkamp trails Republican challenger Kevin Cramer by nine points in the latest Fox News poll. With cannabis becoming more of a bipartisan issue, the initiative might bring close as many Republicans to the polls as Democrats, so it looks as though Heitkamp’s short reign as North Dakota’s Senator could be coming to an end.

Heitkamp’s stance against Brett Kavanaugh’s Supreme Court appointment apparently hurt her chances, but she’s not stepping into a boxing ring with an undefeated, world champion having never boxed before. She has boxed, and Kevin Cramer is no Floyd Mayweather, except that he did say even if Kavanaugh’s accuser, Christine Blasey Ford, is telling the truth, the recently confirmed Supreme Court Judge would have done “nothing” seriously wrong. Mayweather, you might remember, served two months in jail after being convicted of domestic battery. A 17-year-old Kavanaugh sexually assaulted a woman when he was drunk, allegedly.

I have $5 on Heitkamp overcoming the long odds because she will no doubt attract the most money from Democratic donors down the stretch, as they desperately try to become the majority in the Senate. As her deficit in the polls narrows, I’ll start shedding my 15-cent shares at a profit if I can. And even if Democrats see Heitkamp as a lost cause in the late rounds, the votes in Fargo and Bismarck-Mandan areas will undoubtedly be reported first, so she’ll look close enough early on to hopefully make some money on my shares. If not, a candidate is out $5 in the next election cycle. I don't think anyone will notice.

Wisconsin Governor Election like 2001 New York Islanders Season (Potentially)

Democrat Tony Evers vs. Republican Scott Walker

Democrats in Wisconsin probably feel like New York Islanders fans between 1996 and 2001: like there was just no chance of winning. With their arena crumbling around them, the New York Islanders were so undesirable to potential buyers, a fraud named John Spano misrepresented his net worth and took over the team for four months. It took another half decade for the Islanders franchise to be saved by Charles Wang and Sanjay Kumar, but even then, fans questioned moves made by the new front office, only to enjoy a franchise best start to the 2001-02 season (9-0-1-1) and a second-place finish in the Atlantic Division.

It’s been seven years since Wisconsin had a Democratic governor, and it might be time Democrats get their Islanders Season in the Sun. The Democrats already received their John Spano gut punch with a failed attempt in 2012 to recall Governor Scott Walker for limiting public workers’ rights to collectively bargain. They and Wisconsinites, like Islanders fans, suffered since, and seem to have suffered enough given Democratic challenger Tony Evers’ five-point lead in the latest Emerson poll. He’s the guy with experience as a teacher and principal whose education budget recommendations Walker was ignoring while Governor. Wisconsinites seem to think he has the experience to right Walker’s biggest wrongs.

It’s no secret Walker has undermined labor unions in Wisconsin, especially teachers’ unions, but Walker’s really failed Wisconsin’s youth when it comes to education, as Patrick Caldwell writes in Mother Jones. “Walker slashed funding for K-12 schools by $792 million over two years,” forcing local property tax hikes. It’s never a good look when a candidate preaching tax cuts is responsible for tax increases.  

Desperation is a stinky cologne, and that’s exactly what Scott Walker is emitting. He suddenly wants to adopt a portion of Obamacare, protecting coverage guarantees for people suffering from pre-existing conditions. He’s hoping it will save his political life like a full Medicare expansion could have literally save the lives of his constituents. It won’t be enough, though. Walker’s just done Wisconsin wrong too many times—just like Islanders owners done Islanders fans.

Montana House of Representatives Election a WWE Heavyweight Championship like Eddie Guerrero vs. Brock Lesnar

Democrat Kathleen Williams vs. Republican Greg Gianforte

Greg Gianforte managed to win election to the U.S. House of Representatives despite body-slamming Guardian reporter Ben Jacobs when he asked the candidate a question the day before the election. Gianforte's win might be due to the postponed release of his mugshot to the public and press despite being formally charged and arrested for assault. A court eventually ordered Gianforte’s mugshot released, but not before the election was held.

The mugshot might not have mattered, though. Gianforte reportedly raised more money the day after his assault of a reporter than on any other day. Now he’s a California-born, New Jersey-raised, Trump-loved Brock Lesnar defending his championship belt in Montana against a tiny, minority-defending female version of Eddie Guerrero.

Kathleen Williams’ strong candidacy, likely the strongest Montana Democrats have ever run, might not matter either. Gianforte’s folk-hero status with Conservative Montanans could be insurmountable, but she’s made the race close for the first time in a long time. Montana is deeply red when it comes to the House of Representatives, especially recently. A Republican has represented Montana in the U.S. House for over 20 years. The latest Gravis poll has Montana’s At-Large Seat all tied up though. If Williams gets a surprise spear from Goldberg (i.e. Oprah), she can win just like Guerrero did.

As you can see, I have no money down on Republicans in any races, but I did turnaround some shares I purchased for Republicans to retain the Senate. I also had shares of Democrats taking a majority in the House (they need to win 23 seats, and 25 Republicans are up for reelection in districts Hillary Clinton won in 2016). Both races were too close for my comfort, so I concentrated my funds on individual races I was most confident would either go Democrat or start to lean Democrat so I could sell my shares at a profit.

Basically, I made modest bets on longshots or long bets on what I perceive to be sure things. Use RCP and New York Times polling to guide your bets, and then, on Election Day, vote if you’re a registered voter, register to vote if you're not and you still can in your state, and then treat it like the holiday it ought to be. Watch Election coverage like it's Thanksgiving football. Turn it into a drinking game. Eat like an American, and win and lose your bets like an American—"cocky and arrogant, even when you're getting beat."

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All rise. The sports court of public opinion we call Foul Play-by-Play is now in session, providing play-by-play and color commentary on foul play in sports on and off the field, pitch, court, and ice.

Headlines

Headline 1: Urban Meyer Placed on Paid Administrative Leave

Ohio State football coach Urban Meyer was placed on administrative leave after former ESPN journalist Brett McMurphy obtained text messages and an exclusive interview showing Meyer knew in 2015 of domestic abuse allegations against his assistant coach, Zach Smith, yet retained him anyway. The university has formed what it called a “special, independent board working group” to investigate the allegations.

Meyer said had he known of the allegations, he would have fired Smith in 2015 instead of last week after the alleged domestic violence was first reported. But Meyer and Smith go way back. Smith was Meyer’s longest-serving assistant and even played for Meyer at Bowling Green before interning for Meyer at Florida, where the first domestic violence accusations surfaced.

According to McMurphy, Smith first physically abused his wife, Courtney, on June 21, 2009 in Gainesville, Florida when she was eight to 10 weeks pregnant. Meyer and his wife threw a party celebrating Florida’s second championship in three seasons. After the party, Courtney said she went home while her husband went out with friends.

Courtney said Zach returned home drunk around 3 a.m. with Meyer’s secretary at the time, whom Zach called “baby” and pleaded with Courtney to allow her to spend the night with them after reportedly breaking up with her boyfriend. Courtney refused and drove the woman home, but upon returning, a heated argument turned violent, with Zach allegedly throwing his wife against their bedroom wall. That was the Smiths’ one-year wedding anniversary.

Zach was arrested for aggravated battery on a pregnant victim, and Meyer said at Big Ten Media Days that he and his wife advised the Smiths to try counseling. A few days after the arrest, Courtney said two of Meyer’s closest friends asked her to drop the charges against her husband, and ultimately pressured her to do so. She did, thinking it would never happen again, which seems to be a common mistake of domestic abuse victims.

Courtney said she left her husband on June 6, 2015, but the abuse didn’t stop until Courtney was granted a restraining order against Zach on Nov. 10, 2015. She filed for divorce two days later. Cleveland.com reports that Powell (Ohio) police visited the Smiths’ home nine times in response to domestic disputes between January 1, 2012 and July 26, 2018.

Courtney spoke frequently with Meyer’s wife, Shelley, a nurse, about her abusive relationship, yet Meyer claimed ignorance of any abuse occurring after the 2009 incident.

Meyer, of course, is not unfamiliar with allegations of foul play brought against his football programs. During his time at Florida, Gator football players amassed 251 traffic citations, his best defensive player was suspended for a DUI prior to the SEC Championship game, and freshman foul player Aaron Hernandez suckerpunched an employee of a Gainesville bar, rupturing his eardrum. Hernandez also went unquestioned by police or his coach despite being a suspect in a 2007 shooting that left two men injured, with one shot in the back of the head. That attempted homicide remains unsolved.

Meyer mostly avoided being muddied by his Gators’ allegations, not because he won, but because he had the good guy on his side. Not God, but a God-fearing quarterback so squeaky clean and contagiously charismatic he stole the spotlight, allowing his teammates to remain in the shadows. Tim Tebow was Urban Meyer’s guardian angel. Tebow protected Meyer as he did the football. Meyer no longer has that protection and the mud is being flung.   

Meyer’s battle for his job will be fought on two fronts. While an investigation determines his knowledge of his assistant coach’s alleged transgressions, he’ll also have to address allegations of verbal and physical abuse brought by former Florida players. If his ignorance of his assistant coach’s domestic abuse history since the incident in 2009 is confirmed or unconfirmable, Meyer could still lose his job if any of the players’ stories are substantiated.

If the Bryan Colangelo Twitter scandal is any indication, Meyer’s wife can’t necessarily save her husband’s job by saying she never told him about Courtney’s claims. Colangelo’s wife took all the blame and her husband was still forced to resign. I imagine that’s what’s coming for Meyer, too, especially with the players painting him as abusive just like Smith. What are your thoughts?

Headline 2: Ex-OSU Wrestling Coach asked Ex-wrestlers to Support U.S. Representative Jim Jordan, Who They Allege Ignored Sexual Abuse Reports against Team Doctor

It gets worse for The Ohio State University, as retired OSU wrestling coach Russ Hellickson asked former Buckeye wrestlers to support former assistant coach and current U.S. Representative Jim Jordan, who they allege ignored reports of sexual abuse by a team doctor.

Jordan is seeking to succeed retiring Speaker of the House Paul Ryan if Republicans retain a majority in the House after the midterm elections. But he won’t do it with help from the two OSU wrestlers Hellickson contacted. They came forward earlier this year alleging former team doctor Richard Strauss committed sexual abuse and harassment, saying Jordan knew about it and failed to act when serving as assistant coach between 1986 and 1994.  

More than 100 former students have told independent investigators that they were victims of Strauss, who took his own life in 2005. While Strauss won’t serve the time for his alleged crimes, Jordan could face similar charges as former Penn State officials Gary Schultz, Graham Spanier and Tim Curley, who were sentenced to at least two months in jail for failing to alert authorities of Jerry Sandusky’s molestation of young boys in 2001. Judging by the number of alleged victims in this case, however, it would stand to reason Jordan would be subject to an even harsher sentence if charged and convicted.

Headline 3: Conor McGregor Avoids Jail Time with Plea Deal

UFC’s biggest star, Conor McGregor, avoided jail time by pleading guilty to a single count of disorderly conduct in an agreement reached with the Brooklyn District Attorney’s Office on Thursday, according to Brett Okamoto of ESPN. The charge stems from an incident occurring April 5th at Barclay’s Center, during which McGregor was caught on video throwing a metal dolly and breaking the window of a bus carrying UFC athletes and employees..

McGregor will serve no jail time, have no criminal record and his travel visa will be unaffected despite facing 12 criminal charges related to the incident, including two felony criminal mischief charges and three assault charges. Those charges carried a maximum sentence of seven years in prison, but instead McGregor could return to the octagon by the end of the year having paid restitution for damages, serving five days of community service and completing an anger management program lasting one to three days.

A potential lightweight title fight between McGregor (21-3) and current champion Khabib Nurmagomedov (26-0) could arguably be the biggest fight in UFC history. Nurmagomedov was the target of McGregor’s actions in April.

McGregor, 30, obviously got a good plea deal. Most people wouldn’t get 12 charges dropped down to one misdemeanor in exchange for paying restitution, serving five days of community service and doing a joke’s-worth of anger management therapy considering McGregor’s clear anger issues.

Headline 4: Art Briles gets Coaching Job in Italy

While Urban Meyer might be on his way out, former Baylor football coach Art Briles is on his way back into coaching. He took a job coaching an American football team in a 12-team league in Italy playing by NCAA rules. Briles is just two years removed from being removed as head coach at Baylor amidst the sexual assault scandal involving multiple football players committing crimes university officials failed to act upon after they were alleged.

If Briles is any indication of what we can expect, Urban Meyer might be coaching in the NFL next year. With crimes as egregious as those committed by players Briles recruited have him coaching again when two years ago most thought he ever would, Meyer claiming ignorance of his co-worker’s spousal abuse might not be a problem for, say, the nearby Browns. 

Headline 4: Iowa Football Players Struggle to Stay Sober

The Iowa Hawkeyes will be without two of its starters for the first game of the season against Northern Illinois on Sept. 1 due to alcohol-related citations. Defensive tackle Brady Reiff was arrested for public intoxication in Iowa City after mistaking a police cruiser for an Uber, and eight days later offensive tackle Tristan Wirfs was ticketed for driving while intoxicated. I haven’t spent much time in Iowa, but I imagine it’s not as heavenly as Field of Dreams advertises, and judging from the damage left by vandals taking a joy ride through the iconic field in January, there’s evidence indicating a lack of entertainment options besides drinking and driving. 

 

Headline 6: Cowboys’ Terrance Williams has Charge Dismissed

Terrance Williams, who allegedly crashed his Lamborghini into a light pole and then left the scene of the accident, had a public intoxication charge stemming from the incident dismissed according to his attorney. Williams somehow was never charged with leaving the scene of an accident, and the Class C misdemeanor is the equivalent of a speeding ticket requiring payment of a fine and completion of a state-mandated Alcohol Awareness Education course, which Williams has already done.

Not only did Williams avoid criminal charges, but his completion of the diversion course makes a suspension from the NFL unlikely, and even if he were to be suspended, it would likely come in 2019 and not this season. Does Jerry Jones just make a phone call to make this stuff go away or what?

Cheats of the Week

It’s time for everyone’s favorite segment, where we award the most foul cheats in sports over the past week in what we call Cheats of the Week.

Winner of the Bronze Balls award this week isn’t even an athlete, unless you consider crime a sport, and it very well could be in certain circumstances. In this case, the crime required a team of players led by ex-cop Jerome Jacobson, who rigged the McDonald’s Monopoly game and won almost every prize for 12 years until the FBI launched an investigation and sting operation. The team of “mobsters, psychics, strip-club owners, convicts, drug traffickers, and even a family of Mormons” defrauded McDonald’s of more than $24 million in cash and prizes, according to Jeff Maysh of The Daily Beast

The Silver Syringe goes to swimmer and boozing bad boy of the Rio Olympics, Ryan Lochte, who was again banned from competition by the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency until July of next year for receiving an intravenous injection of permitted substances in May. While the substances weren’t prohibited, athletes can’t receive IVs without an exemption or unless it’s a result of hospitalization. Neither was the case for Lochte, who incriminated himself by posting a photo to social media while receiving the IV, making him quite possibly the worst cheat we’ve mentioned on the show. Regardless of U.S. Anti-Doping rules, why would anyone feel the need to not only photograph but publicize their intravenous injection to the world?  

Our two-bit cheat of the week is Italian cyclist Gianni Moscon, who was kicked out of the Tour de France after punching a French cyclist in the face during the first 800 meters of Stage 15 last Sunday. This isn’t the first time Moscon has been guilty of foul play, which brings us to our next segment, Historically Foul Play, when we go back in time and relive foul play and foul players of the past.

Historically Foul Play

Last year, Moscon was suspended six weeks and required to complete diversity training after berating another cyclist with racist insults. Fresh off the suspension, Moscon was accused of deliberately causing Sebastien Reichenbach to crash, fracturing his elbow and hip. He was cleared of any wrongdoing due to a lack of evidence. And a couple months after that incidental accident, Moscon was disqualified from the UCI Road World Championships for being towed too far by the team car into a 29th-place finish after a crash with just under 24 miles to go.

I wish I would have known this Italian bad boy of cycling existed prior to this week. I might have tuned into the Tour de France to see this foul play tour de force culminate in a scene straight out of Road Rash, the video game. 

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